I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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