Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I AM VODKA MAN
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
