god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
