i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
