Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
