I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Welp...herpes.
my shit smells like andre
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
