Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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