He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
