I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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