You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
