I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
