in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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