Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You just made me feel so damn special
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
