I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
