All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
