I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
