she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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