she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
