Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
No subtext here. People are naked.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
