someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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