eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
