I accidentally had phone sex last night
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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