im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
