I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
