sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
