When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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