my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
