My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
