So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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