i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize