Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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