Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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