Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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