so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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