Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
