No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize