it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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