I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
