I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
