my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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