nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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