Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
