My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
