I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
ttyl tear gas
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
