I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
