eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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