Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
