How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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