my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
