you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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