dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
