i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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