I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
4 words: hood of his car
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
please come you make the beer taste better
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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