I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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