she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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