you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
