why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
