What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
