I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
