ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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