I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
