I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
