I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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